Cultural Self Potrait

Cultural Self Portrait

            I most start out by saying I have really never put much though into my culture and how it has made me who I am. I also have never really done much research into my family history. My family really is not all that close. I really only consider my mom, dad, sister, and my mom’s parents close family. My family and I lived with my father’s parents and two cousins for twelve years. Even though we lived with them we were not really all that close. Then my mom’s parents live in Pennsylvania, so I do not get to see them that much.

            To begin my story I will begin with my parents/grandparents. My mom is white and was born and raised in Pennsylvania. Both of her parents brought her up as a Catholic. My father is predominately black and born and raised in Alexandria, VA. Both of his parents brought him up in a very Southern Baptist home. From my understanding though neither one of my father’s parents were from the South. My mom has told me many times that she was very rebellious and went against my grandparents numerous times. Her biggest move in life was she dropped out of high school her senior year and moved down here to Virginia and moved in with someone she knew from high school. My dad finished high school and went into the military after school, but was discharged due to medical reasons. They both ended up working in this retail store called Jamesway. They began dating and let’s just say no one was thrilled about their relationship; especially their parents. Their parents were disapproving of their relationship due to race issues. My father’s parents were more disapproving than anything; they wanted him to be with a black girl not a white girl. My mom’s parents really didn’t have much to say figuring she dropped out of high school and moved out.

            Next, this is where I come into the picture. It is hard to swallow sometimes but I believe if it wasn’t for me my parents wouldn’t be together today. My parents got married on February 13, 1989 and I was born October 2, 1989. I make the assumption if it wasn’t for me my parents wouldn’t be together because according to the dates of my parents getting married and me being born my mom would have only been almost 8 months pregnant.  I checked my birth certificate and I was born 6.5lbs and 19.5 inches long. I’m not sure if I know anyone born that practically two months early and being as big as big as I was. It is very obvious I was conceived before they got married. I also see myself as a baby that brought families somewhat closer. Both sets of grandparents did not talk to each other until I was born.

            Furthermore, my parents tried living on their own when I was first born and found it too hard so we moved in with my dad’s parents. Every had their own room expect for my parents and me. My parents and I all lived in one room. At the time even though my mother didn’t really showed it she made sure she had never missed Mass. I would go with her to Mass one Sunday then the next would go to church with my dad the next. Eventually, my mom converted to be a Baptist. The church we went to at the time was all black so at times she felt very out of place being the only white person. The churches we had gone to it would have been wrong if you didn’t dress up. I hated wearing dresses because I was a huge tomboy.

            I am going to skip over some years to when I was twelve. This is the year my parents had saved enough money up to move out of my grandparent’s house. It was mainly my mom saving money up because she could no longer stand to live with my grandparents because my grandmother was somewhat of a snoop. She always went through our stuff and if there was something she did not like she made it very clear to my parents. I feel if it was truly up to my father we would still being living with my grandparents because he is a huge mama’s boy. Once we had moved out to Leesburg everything had changed. My parents really all of a sudden wanted to be involved in everything I did. I did not like that I liked having them come home and mind their own business. Needs to say with this new form of parenting I began to get into a lot of trouble. All throughout the rest of middle school years and the first two years of high school I really had a bad ass attitude. I tried doing whatever I could to seem like I was this bad ass rebel and wasn’t talking any crap from anyone. I had the method to do the crime but when confronted to turn on the water works, this method worked for a while then everyone began to catch on and it no longer worked.

            To move on to whom I am today. I honestly think at one point in life a child has their rebellion stage. I know I cannot go back and change what I did, but if I could there would have been a lot of things I would have had a second thought on. I also think the things I did try and do made me out to be a stronger more driven person, far as not quitting school because I no longer want to do it or becoming a drug addict /alcoholic like some members in my family. I give credit it to my mother because she never gave up on setting me on the right path. I also feel the way my parents lived I have it set I will not live like the. I have completed high school which my mom did not; she did go back and get her GED but it took years before she went and got it. Both my parent thought it be in my best interest to join the military and have them pay my way through college. I knew that military life was not for me and I have showed my parents I have been just fine in college and getting by just fine with paying for my first two years of college and what is now my third year with student loans. Of course both are perfectly okay with my decision as of today, during my senior year my dad constantly brought brochures and other stuff that I just ended up throwing away in the garbage.

Another thing that I am not is religious. I think while growing up being forced to always have to dress up, join youth groups, join the choir, volunteer in various local outreach programs made me this way. My mother and father used to always be active members in every church we had ever gone to. This in turn meant I had to be as well. I do not think I would have minded doing the things I did if I was asked to do them instead of being told I had to do them. As of today I find my mother very hypocritical because she used to be one of those church members that judged people because of the way they are living and how they do things, but now she is one of those so called heathen living people. Do not get me wrong I believe in God and I do not bash or judge anyone’s religion, but right now in my life I am trying to figure out who I am and what I truly believe in. I mentioned earlier always being forced to dress up is why I think I really do not like dressing up. I do dress up on special occasions, but I’d rather be in jeans and a t-shirt.

            I believe culture is things passed down from generation to generation. Such as, stories, beliefs, virtues, life lessons, recipes, etc. Sometimes when I hear the word culture I think of a group of people that all practice and believe in the same thing. That everyone is all in unison; there is just peace and harmony.

I feel that culture is important to a certain aspect because maybe the previous generation’s belief isn’t exactly what you believe in or care to pass down onto the next generation. For me is the whole religion thing everyone in my family was always so religious and you had to practically eat, breathe, and sleep the bible. If you were not living by the bible you were a sinner or my mother’s favorite word heathen. I never enjoyed being a person that judged a book by its cover, you do not know a person’s situation and why they may have to live the way they are living. Nobody is perfect. I really do not think their anything that is specific to my culture that stands out. I was taught the basic right and wrong, go to school get an education, etc. The only stories told in my family are of things they did in the past and to not make the same mistakes. I honestly cannot think of any traditions other than we spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with whatever set of grandparents come to our house.

 In addition, I know I am not going to be like my mother. As I mentioned earlier I gave credit for my mom keeping her foot in my ass at all times, but I just wished she did the same for my younger sister. With my mother consistently having always been in my ass made me the self driven person that I am. With my sister it’s like it doesn’t even matter what she does as long as she goes to school. I am jealous of my younger sister mind you we are ten years apart. But majority of the things that my sister says and does, I got the beat down for. I have shared with my mom multiple times that it’s not fair how my younger sister pretty much gets the get out free jail card on everything. My mother’s response has usually been I’ve lived through it once I think that has been enough. I feel it should be ten times harder for the second child because you should know what to look for in the second since you did it once already. All I know is that my mother thinks I gave her hell as a teen she has another thing coming through my younger sister. My younger sister’s back talking and attitude has started way earlier than mine did. I didn’t fully take on the real bad girl role until I was a freshman in high school. My sister started when she was in fourth grade and she is only in the fifth grade now. So, I know when I have kids I am going to be hard on both of them equally and treat them the same. Each child will be punished and rewarded accordingly to their behavior.

Lastly, in the future I want to live a successful and happy life. What I mean by successful is that I have a job that I enjoy doing, that pays the bills and leaves enough money over for me spend on my family. Right now I have a serious boyfriend of almost five years. We both have the same goals and beliefs. He is so wonderful to me I do not know where I would be if I did not know him. He supports me in everything I do and want in life. I do the same for him. For the both of us it isn’t about the money or expensive gift giving it’s simply each other’s presence that is all worth the while. We have talked multiple times about marriage and we both agreed to wait until we both graduated to really pursue marriage because the whole wedding and everything is one distraction neither one of us needs. My ideal wedding would be having our closest friends and families at the wedding nothing big and extravagant. Then after couple years of marriage hopefully we will be able to start a family of our own. We will see how life turns out in due time but for now I need to live in the now.